There is only one word that could sum up the past two weeks: tumultuous. While I was wasting time worrying about trivial things like steady income, health insurance, and permanent housing, something terrible happened. I experienced the death of a young member of my family.
A Period of Contrast
If there is anything that pushes the reset button on our plans in life it is loss. Suddenly, the important things seem trivial and the things we overlook come to light. In this particular case my life was in stark contrast. I had started a comedy workshop around the time I find out about my cousin’s passing. Here I was mourning a young life taken too soon while attempting to write comedy material. None of it made sense, but all of it made sense. I wanted a challenge, and boy did life deliver.
I have been feeling a lot of pressure to think positive, despite my fragile circumstance. My husband lost his job just last month and I lost mine earlier this year. We live in a cramped apartment with a baby. I believe that the universe is benevolent and delivers what you believe you deserve. If I think about what I am lacking, I will lack it even more. If I am grateful, I will receive abundance. Thinking positive has started to feel more like work than a natural state of mind. Fear has no place in the paradigm of abundance. I must think positive and eradicate all fears in order to make progress! But what if I am afraid that I don’t have what it takes to think positive? Ugh, this is hard.
Still in the Storm
After the passing of my cousin I’ve started to find myself being present more often. I am genuinely grateful for the little things and I do believe that as long as I am alive, there is hope. It is all still very fresh and I find myself feeling deep sadness on one hand, and fearless on the other. Death has a way of liberating those left behind. What is the worst that can happen? When it has already happen, we tend to ease up on the little things that barely matter in the grand scheme.
I finished writing a five minute comedy set and performed it in front of my class today. My teacher said I am ready to take the stage at a comedy club this Friday. I never thought I would be able to do comedy while mourning the loss of an amazing human I was lucky to call family. But maybe that’s just the thing. Comedy is rooted in genuine emotion but delivered as a farce. The stark contrast between the inspiration for the material and the delivery is what makes comedy so engaging. Laughter is the best medicine.
Here’s hoping I can deliver a healthy dose of it this Friday!